yoonique.

experiencing doesn't stop

2009-11-26T12:18:00.001-08:00

http://i110.photobucket.com/albums/n94/snavenel/istockphoto_798931_walking_together.jpg

experiencing doesn't stop.
i can't make it stop.
that's just the thing.

life happens.
whether i want it to or not.
it simply just takes us through,
it's leaps and bounds.

but i'm not traveling alone.
thank goodness i'm not traveling alone.

make it stop.

2009-09-07T11:43:00.000-07:00

it's one thing after another.
it's one transition after the other.

when does it end?
when will it mend,
chaos and confusion?
is the beginning of this just an illusion?

the clock strikes four,
in the morning, i'm already out the door.

Sun shines as it bears the weight
of carrying on a new day,

sets the wheels in motion
stirring up a commotion.

it's when the sun sets.
when unsettling and turmoil forgets.

only lovers

2009-06-28T22:07:00.000-07:00

...spend Saturday afternoons at Balboa Park
& stroll along the boardwalk early in the morning.

only lovers watch the sunset at Coronado
& sit in cafes.

& those of us who wish they were in love.

i love you dad.

2009-06-28T11:32:00.001-07:00

real world

2009-06-01T13:39:00.001-07:00

isn't it interesting when we see magnificent wondrous things in nature, we compare them to the works of man-made craftmanship and when we see things that are man-made we claim that the works are comparable to real things found in nature?

i ♥ my nest.

2009-05-18T23:30:00.001-07:00

i'd like to believe living quarters emulate personality & style. where an individual can express creativity & boldness, yet turn such a small living space into a humble sanctuary.

where workspace enables an individual to draw from imaginative inspiration to produce works that materially conceptualize one's efforts and skills...

and collaborative representations of self are displayed.

a place where brilliant ideas, secret thoughts & fantastic dreams take shelter from external influences & their discourse is reserved.

beauty in the broken

2009-05-12T18:09:00.000-07:00

i just realized that i am entering into a profession that thrives on death & destruction. ah just wait until my job is done. then we'll see that the world really thrives on life & its beauty.

risky business

2009-05-10T23:00:00.000-07:00

love requires risk. if you aren't able to humiliate yourself for the sake of love then you really aren't ready to love at all. love is risky business and i think that is why so many people miss out on so many opportunities because they are afraid of the consequences. but really, if you are risking your life for the sake of love, the consequences are incomparable.

every year i gain a greater appreciation for my mom. my mom essentially risked her life for love & i love her incredibly for that. without that risk, i probably would not even exist. at the age of 23, my mom accepted a marriage proposal that followed only after 4 months of dating a man that knew little of her language and her background. that man, my father, took a risk to love a woman, of whom had captured his heart by her captivating grace & beauty. together, the risky proposal & the risky acceptance has blossomed into a relentless relationship. a love of which i can only dream of. a love that keeps fighting, relinquishes in the victories & learns from the mistakes.

all my life people have commented on my mother's likeness & i just haven't been able to see it within myself. now i realize that those comments are the greatest forms of flattery because my mom is quite a remarkable woman. i have a lot to learn from Mom- a giving heart, a carefree spirit & unquenchable thirst for life. she truly is beautiful for taking on the pursuit of love, even though it required her to move away from her entire family, place her trust in another individual & learn another language & norms of a foreign culture.

this mother's day, i've realized that each one of our experiences equips us for love's lofty risks. it's only a matter of recognizing love's immense power & surrendering ourselves to them. let love reign.

thanks mom!

love for uncertain

2009-05-07T22:31:00.000-07:00

her: yeah i feel like God is always punking me
me: I KNOW
her: whhhhyyyyyyyyyyy
me: because God is a punk
her: wow. score: Jesus: 245749803 me:0
me: i can imagine God saying
"I AM THE LAW!"
he does say that right?
or is he just the Word?
her: i legitamately just pictured Jesus throwing up the peace sign and saying "WORD, son"
me: oh man. God is a thug.
her: such a G.
me: so we've gone from God being a punk, to being the Law, to a thug
her: that is just how He rolls

tea&coffee ice cream

2009-05-05T23:19:00.000-07:00

i finish quarts of coffee ice cream when i am stressed
i drink tea even when it is too hot to wear clothes to bed

//

i want

2009-05-05T19:05:00.000-07:00

to know what a soiree is really like.

awaiting

2009-04-28T20:49:00.000-07:00

him: i wish her the best. i would never wish anything bad on her or anyone else. but it doesnt make me hurt any less
me: oh definitely
him: in fact maybe more. i was ready to be there for her at any expense
me: dang it. you truly are good.

//i wholeheartedly believe that true love exists where the heart is willing to face brokenness and wrestle tirelessly. but it's times like these where waiting for a more completely picture of that true love to appear is frustrating and just hurtful. it's times like these that change & shape our hearts to be prepared to love wholeheartedly. like i said, the anticipation at the present moment can sometimes be unbearable.//

si yo fuera un chico

2009-04-27T23:07:00.000-07:00

i already knew that beyonce was a baller. but she has reached an ultimate level of respect that i don't think i've ever had for anyone before.

lets love colors.

2009-04-25T22:12:00.000-07:00

it's one of my dream to have an entire wall full of books. but color coordinating them? oh so sweet.

anybody else think the red baby on the left is really weird?

kiss me kate

2009-04-10T14:32:00.001-07:00

Kate & I had this little secret handshake where we'd walk towards each other in our most ridiculous, sexiest cat walk and then we'd turn around and pose...then we'd burst into a laughing fit and talk about how awesome we were & how everyone else was jealous that they couldn't be like us. oh how the time has passed since our modeling days in the parking lot. if i remember correctly, she had a peculiar way of eating french fries too.

I will dearly miss you, Kate, for the beautiful woman you had become and the woman we will always remember. Your heartfelt joy & laughter will ring in our hearts & our ears as we are ever so close to the eternal kingdom, where you are having the most hysterical time of your life. I couldn't imagine a better way for you to spend eternity. Though it is such a shame that you've only spent 20 years on earth and how we all wished to grow older with you enjoying life by our side. I think you possessed the most youthful soul to be had and such a short life span fits perfectly into your being. While everything around you moved so quickly, you went along, enjoying the ride.

I will truly miss you for your youthful laughter & your heartfelt smile.

http://www.daily49er.com/news/csulb-student-dies-from-asphyxiation-strangulation-1.1643312

true love exists

2009-04-05T12:24:00.000-07:00

a story of destiny & love. a story of a boy & the pursuit of his dreams. a story of a man who is rewarded for remembering, learning & overcoming every challenge he faced throughout his life. a hero that stands for hope and faith in a world that is plagued by greed, lust, power & despair.

slumdog millionaire speaks loudly to the hearts of the lonely, the abused and the forgotten. it should stir within our hearts anger, skepticism & even a deep desire to change this world- a world that is characterized by the pain that exudes from the human condition. we truly are a lost people.

however, the moment their eyes meet in the train station and her beauty radiates accompanied by her smile, should fill the hearts of the lost HOPE & joy. how we all long to be fought for & affirmed of our purity & honesty. facing reality is necessary but it can be harsh- look what it does to us: it blinds us & forces us to face the world with no glimpse of hopeful outcome. we hide behind our fears & find comfort in the things that have no lasting value: money, power & sex. taking on the world with an attitude of humility, optimism & artful simplicity allows us to reach the finish line with an end goal in sight. all is well when we finally realize that 1. our whole lives are purposeful & intentional and 2. the things that we truly value gives us significance & are so much more important than material things of fleeting value. we then can truly celebrate alongside those who have taken upon the journey themselves.

so incredibly moving is the act of affirmation and complete appreciation in the scene where jamal kisses the scar upon latika's cheek. a mark that reminds them both of their struggle to follow destiny- a mark that represents latika's bold faith & the risk she took to follow him. the bond between them is as strong as how absence makes the heart grow, already having endured trial after trial. love should be fought for; its enduring & lasting power should reign over our lives. true love exists where the heart is willing to face brokenness & wrestle tirelessly. love is ready to be had & taken into captivity, forever holding its peace.

"We do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air." 1 Corinthians 9:19

the year 2008

2009-01-18T16:45:00.000-08:00

i never really believe in horoscopes you read in the back pages of magazines or the classifieds in the newspaper, but they're always fun to read because they can be as ridiculous as purple rain, vague as a fog or right on. then there's the dilemma that i face having a birthday on the cusp of the sign of the mysterious Scorpio or sensible Libra. which to choose? i wish God included my own personal horoscope in the back pages of my bible so I can read, laugh at or truly consider. as i look back on 2008, i can only describe those 365 days as challenging, hopeful, frustrating and "worth it."

one year ago today: i wondered why i felt so unworthy to be loved, how was i ever going to feel happy again and who could ever fill the void i so longed to be filled.
february, doubt began to dissipate as i began to see a little of who God was through the promises He made several months previous. relationships began to bloom and now those people are my favorite people on earth.
march and april, interesting. a month of freedom and emotion. relationships affirmed my suffering and endurance, but those that were broken and awkward helped me toward self-discovery.
may, relationships were solidified. as the days became hotter, i began to strip myself of the layers of the "old" me. the "me" that was insecure, self-conscious, unhappy, lonely and doubtful. the new "me" is a person that had a new confidence to take on the world.
june,july,august: self-pity turned into experience and stability, strength and confidence.
september: a renewed self-worth tested.
october: a renewed self-worth triumphant.
november: re-evaluation of leadership roles, gifts and passions that I wanted to pursue no longer stood against the challenge of obligation
december: a month of endurance and perseverance, struggling to hold onto hope.

january 2009: square one.

well...not exactly. faith has a funny way of maturing because the only way to truly grow in your relationship is to take a few steps back. or even be pushed back. only when you overcome reality, defeat self-doubt and surrender to Christ, is it possible for growth. this year has been a rocky one, one that will be remembered as a turning point of my faith but only can i hope that this year will be as challenging and affirming as 2008.

discovering and rediscovering love

2008-07-13T23:52:00.000-07:00

having nothing to do with my time at home, i've rediscovered my love of reading. inspirational, non-fiction, novels...all of it. I absolutely love reading but I catch myself every time i turn the page, I skip details. I always have (i think that's why I've always failed miserably at reading comprehension). so i've been forcing me to read every single typed line on the page. oh what a drag, but Steinbeck uses nearly 3/4 of every page to describe making east of eden a longer read than i had originally anticipated. i love to skip details.

I also came to realize how i love jazz music. i love not only the lyrics that be about the saddest thing ever but to a jazz beat, it is the most giddiest and joyful thing to sing about. but i particularly love the jazzyness of the guitar. I don't know what it is, but once i hear it, my muse and my being just tunes in and taps into an euphoria that has some trace of memory into a pleasant pasttime, but i have no idea. i love euphoria.

and for some reason, i love to read, while listening to jazz music with a lit candle on my table sitting next to my bed. i love ambience.

i think there's some profound way to explain how these loves all tie together and have any kind of relevance to my life. i mean, these loves could mean that i am an intellectual, cultured person or that i am a eclectice, seclusive person. but i think reflecting on my personality and the hobbies i love, can lead me to think that i am a naturally quiet, withdrawn and introverted person. which, a lot of people may disagree and laugh at the thought of kristen yoon as a shy, timid personality. the more i think about it, the more i am led to believe that it is true. perhaps it is of ethnic background, perhaps a genetic thing, or maybe it's just who i am. i love to be still and live in the moment. to listen, rather than rant. to take the backseat instead of driving or giving directions. i detest the obligation of holding conversation (especially in the car), with someone who feels uncomfortable in the silence. "a man with silence is said to be wise. a man with no words is said to be thoughtless."

i'm in love.

2008-06-27T18:08:00.000-07:00

oh for sure. i keep falling in love, head over heels, over and over, while i'm in this city. everytime i take the subway (getting lost in the subway by myself and ending up in the bronx while my family is waiting for me in chinatown with dead batteries in our cellphones), gazing up into the sky and seeing nothing but sky and concrete, looking down and seeing (and tripping over) uneven pavement, asking for directions and receiving a cold shoulder, eating REAL pizza every night, walking through every type of neighborhood you can imagine, smelling every kind of smell you can imagine (even the yucky ones) and just hearing every spoken language from all over the world, watching Coldplay perform through the window of a coffeeshop and walking down another block and being asked if i want to be on television (i was on the early show this morning). i love it all. people, places, sights, sounds, dreams, obstacles...it's all so real and at my fingertips, yet so unreal because it's new york.

i'm convinced that this is where i belong, someday, for a certain amount of time, i don't know...but this is my city. along with the romanticizing comes harsh truths and realities, not only of the world but of mine own-- my future education, career and spiritual endeavors...having to come into the realization of how expensive it is to live here...of how there is no money in the world of culinary, and of how strong-willed (i think i am) i am to keep striving for what i'm passionate about and what i want to pursue. questions of identity will indefinitely come up and how God just keeps teaching me the importance of leaning on His strength and die to mine own self is just so redundant and yet, i grow, i fall, i'm challenged and i fight every single time.

anyways, today i was lost in the city of new york. i was told to take a train, took the wrong one, ended up in a shady part of the city, had to ask for directions numerous times and i was frustrated. my phone was dead, i was uncomfortable and i had to fight back the tears (you know the ones that you get when you talk and you have no control over...) i finally ended up on the right train and i sat next to Ray Gutter. an older fellow, on his way to chinatown (my destination) for work, he talked of his son, an up-and-coming rapper with a new son (ray's a grandfather!) and he so kindly talked and spoke of his life (well a little bit) and he had asked me if i was a singer...he said that he could tell because of the pitch coordinations of my voice (haha) as i got off the subway and he walked me to the street, i shook his hand thanking him for being to kind to me and he replied, "we need some more kind people in this world. i mean, that's what God wants us to do, is to be kind and loving towards people..." i was just taken back. floored. here i was, all alone in the city, freaked out (kind of) well, enough to almost start crying, frustrated and stranded, and this man helped me out of the kindness of his heart. i prayed. i don't exactly know what i prayed for but i know that i prayed for something. i knew that everything was going to work out ok, i knew that i was going to find my way and that freaking out was just such an exaggeration since i was in the moment and once it was all over, i would be fine. even though i can't remember what i prayed for, ray's last words occurred..."what God wants us to do." once i parted ways with ray, my heart was overwhelmed, overjoyed...my frustrations, my anger, my anxiety just melted away and i was even weirded out at the way my brothers were complaining and frustrated...i was like, "dood...i went from 41st street all the way to 160th street...in the opposite direction of my destination."

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. i was given hope by a total stranger and i saw my incoherent prayer answered. crazy because i've been reading this book "too busy not to pray- slowing down to be with God" by bill hybels while i've been in new york and it's just weird how that happens. he says that we serve a God that "simply looks for opportunities to pour out his blessings on us." He simply does not give and give...he presents us opportunities to look outside our selves and depend upon His grace to grow and be strong. thanks for the opportunities!

to be continued....

i'm in the mood for love

2008-06-01T23:02:00.000-07:00

me: ughhhhhhhh why are girls so emotional
Jenny: because all that matters in our world is love
me: mmmmmm wise//so true.

Jenny: seriously, we spend every minute of every day in love, thinking of love, wishing we were in love, telling people we love them, working on relationships, dreaming of weddings
//like, everything we do is for love
me: why does it scare us?
Jenny: good question//i think it scares me because i am afraid guys don't value love as highly as i do
me: mmmmmm

Jenny: and i need the man i end up with to care about love more than anything
//because i think that's what keeps people together

relient K: give until there's nothing left
no one told me
the right way
the right way to go about this
so i'll figure it out for myself
because how much
is too much
to give you
well i may never know
so i'll just give until there's nothing left to give

love is the reversal

2008-05-29T00:28:00.000-07:00

no this isn't the answer to my question that has been lingering in my consciousness for quite some time. an answer that people have been searching endlessly. I'd like to think that I've been searching wholeheartedly but i feel like i have the tendency to experience things as they come. i struggle with that because there is worth in the pursuit. i want to be able to discover & articulate what i've found. i want to say what i mean to say and it actually prove to be true. i want to be truthful.

but anyway, the answer to my question came to me last week while i was sitting in church, taking notes on the sermon and it dawned on me...how could i have been so blind? in my feeble attempt to do some soul-searching on my own attributed to google i found:

♥love is to receive a glimpse of heaven- Karen Sunde

♥love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence - Erich Fromm

♥love is the only reflection of man's worth- Bill Wundram

♥love is commonly reduced to a thought-terminating cliché

♥love is to act intentionally, in sympathetic response to others, to promote overall well-being

awesome. love is multi-faceted, left up to us and our limited perception and understanding of such an abstract ideal. so...pretty much, love is. that's all we're sure about...that love exists and that it exists to be felt and lived out, but no one definition can sum up its nature, its infiniteness and its power.

i opened c.s. lewis' book, the four loves, today and the first line, it summed up my what seemed endless search for clarity. i only managed to read 4 pages but according to the google machine, he quotes, "love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained." --whether we like it or not, no matter how much we cause them pain, no matter the situation, motivation...there is an ultimate good that we, as humans, tend to live for, do for, and speak for. why is wishing for the loved person's ultimate good be painful and heart-breaking? how? i just don't understand. i asked myself, how could anyone treat you that way? to such an honest, genuine, caring person? and then to turn around and find that i was exactly what i despised.

living room: tegan and sara

I hope I never figure out
Who broke your heart
And if I do, if I do
I'd spend all night losing sleep
I'd spend the night and I'd lose my mind

so you really want to know what love is? the billion dollar question, the big kahuna, the whopper? would you really understand if i told you? would you really adhere to what i said, really take it on as your own understanding? just like any good thing, you need to come to its realization for yourself... just like a fat kid needs his chocolate cake, you need to know this one thing...
one year ago today, i was in a very different place. i was a very different person. last month i was in a very different place. i was a very different person. but thank God, He is constant.

//my playlist:
the scientist- coldplay
dreaming with a broken heart- john mayer
call me when you get this- corinne bailey rae
reservations-wilco
how can i tell you- cat stevens
put your arms around me- natasha bedingfield
be still- kelly clarkson
dusk and summer- dashboard confessional
my number- tegan and sara

who do you think you are?

2008-05-15T00:13:00.000-07:00

the spice girls have it so right, "who do you think you are?" i actually have no idea as of right now. i can't wrap my head around what is happening, what i'm feeling, what tomorrow is going to bring... i especially can't wrap my head around how fast this year has gone by and how/what God is teaching me. i know that i talked a lot about love, but seriously? it is more evident than ever! especially with new relationships, stuff i'm learning in class, expressions of love among peers and everyday life...i just don't understand why people are so oblivious. but then again, i am too.

i think that love is trying to be complete. we as humans spend our time, energy, money to transcend our being...we want to be greater than we already are- we want what we don't have. so, with reckless abandon, we pursue relationships, we pursue material possessions, we pursue identities to give us meaning- we pursue purpose and life. we seek transcendence from our meaningless lives and escape from the boredom of ritual and structure. however, we find ourselves in the same cycle of longing wholeness, finding it, but continually wanting more. for me, i want recognition. i want fame. i want notoriety. i want people to associate my face, my name...for the things i believe in, the things i consider important in my life, my likes, dislikes...strengths and weaknesses. for what? what is so great or awesome about the things that i've accomplished in my lifetime that people should want to know me? why is the title so important that i can't get past my own pride to seek the greater good? thanks to a friend, i've gained a realization that there is a greater plan besides the one that i've planned out for my life...expectations will be exceeded by things, people and places that i never imagined to have impact. i wish i just knew.

nevertheless, i'm just floored by the things that have happened this past semester- the relationships i've established and maintained, the things i've learned, the challenges i've faced, the conflicts that i've risen up against and the ways i've become aware-- not only of myself but those around me. love is what you make it to be. Love is universal. Love is manifested through so many facets and channels...those of which can be corrupted but if you surrender your soul, your being to love and what it asks of you, it will reveal to you, your true nature. it will bless you and build you up. it will strengthen you, present you with opportunities that will challenge and test you...but in the end, it is good.

all you need is love

2008-05-09T01:45:00.001-07:00

i have been so blessed by people who allow 3 simple words to change their lives. in the words of natasha bedingfield:
"there is no other way, to better say...i love you i love you i love you i love you."

i am unwritten...

2008-04-27T08:02:00.000-07:00

I have this weird obsession with song lyrics. I think they intrigue my fantasy and fascinate my understanding of what it means to put into words, your feelings. These lyrical genuises realize the power behind their words even though the intentional meaning might not be what they originally intended to personally convey. I also think that I love lyrics because I have this problem of trying to say what i want to say, when i want to say, exactly the way I want. I think once I can start doing that, can I also start becoming a lyrical poet myself.

This past week I have been floored by the good and the bad. Floored at how some people can be so irrational, accusive, and unprofessional- especially when their career calls for fairness and professionalism. But also, I've been floored by something we've all heard so many times from 1 Corinthians 13, "Love is patient." This short but powerful three words rings so loudly within my soul. It doesn't just mean that when you love someone, you put up with them, their faults, weaknesses or frustrating habits...when you love someone, you will wait for them. You will not be held accountable for what you had planned for but for what they planned according to their own timing. If you love someone, you will honor them and support them- help them obey God. In the same way, if you love God, you will be patient with Him and His good and perfect plan for your life. What the 'net' says about the book of Ruth is that "These are not acts of kindness with an expectation of measure for measure. Rather, they are acts of hesed that go beyond measure and demonstrate that a person can be required to go beyond the minimum expectations of the law and choose the unexpected."

God is so patient with us. He is so in love with us that he shields us from the pain we cause him, and yet, we bring every pain we feel at His feet. He's kind of like that best friend that just listens to your problems even though he's got his own to deal with but because you're hurting, he just keeps them to himself for a later time until you realize this pain and you ask, "why?" He just replies, "because I love you." Incredible stuff.

because you loved me...

2008-04-22T21:26:00.000-07:00

My dad made a surprise visit down to San Diego today and it was the exact remedy for my soul. This wave of "weird funk" hit me almost 2 weeks ago and I just felt deeply troubled but with one phone call and sight of my dad, all my cares just seemed so finite that I felt at ease. My dad insists that he is the "voice of reason" in my life and everytime he tells me the harsh realities of my life and the things I go through, as much as it sucks to hear what he has to say, he's so right. The people that meant the world to me, I don't talk to anymore, the things I held on to so dearly, mean nothing to me now and the only things that are the same is my family and how much they love. I used to argue with my dad about how he never let me hang out with friends and he'd always say, "You need to hang out with us because we're the only ones who will love you forever. Your friends aren't always going to be there for you but we will." In my young, naive, immature defense, I thought, "that's the exact reason why I need to hang out with my friends, because they won't be here as long as you will." My oh My. When I go home I don't even pick up my phone. I plant myself on my couch seated next to my brother or one of my parents, with a bag of high-cholestrol snack of some sort and I just veg.

Anyways, today we both had our moments as we had a heart-to-heart in Missions Cafe. Not going to lie, tears were shed from the both of us and we just chatted about everything...God, love, the future, our family, our dreams, our weaknesses...it was so real. I never how my dad proposed to my mom until today. (Their story is a good one) My parents had been dating for a short couple of months and my dad called it off. He was in Korea at the time, studying at a Korean language school but he was getting homesick, felt discomfort from the food or something and just wanted to go home. He didn't know what to do about my mom so he just told her how much he appreciated her but it just wasn't going to work out. But that next week he had trouble sleeping, he was "lovesick." He couldn't take it anymore and he bought her a card, sat down with his Korean dictionary, wrote out how much he cared for her and how he couldn't live without her...she read it and then he proposed. Just like that. My dad laughed at how young he was but i guess that's just how it'll be...you won't be able to live without that one person. You just know.

I teared up when I was telling my dad how much I appreciated him. He was the one to pentetrate generations of lack of verbal affirmation. His parents never told him that they were proud of him and that they love him...my dad makes it a point to tell us that he loves us and that he's proud of us and if we knew that already. We always just shrug him off and say "yes" with a deep, irritated sigh...but for someone to say "I Love You" without having hearing it himself as a child, is huge.

Celine Dion- Because You Loved Me

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
Ill be forever thankful baby
Youre the one who held me up
Never let me fall
Youre the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldnt speak
You were my eyes when I couldnt see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldnt reach
You gave me faith coz you believed
Im everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
Im grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I dont know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
Youve been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

if you want...

2008-04-18T14:03:00.000-07:00

"you can write down my number...if you want"

Now how does someone respond to that? Especially caught off guard, in a hurry at the grocery store, friends waiting for you, flustered that you can't find the kind of box cake you want-my mind is definitely somewhere else, thinking about a certain person and just having to deal with that, this hopeful guy wanting to i-don't-really-know asking me for my number just didn't come into the equation at the right time. So I responded timidly, "No...it's Ok." Kristen, really? Really. I walked away just apalled at, not only my response but how that response made him feel. Here I am, enthusiastically engaged in this conversation, simply because I'm a social person, and the art of holding a conversation with a complete stranger is my specialty. So I walked away, kind of uplifted, kind of creeped out, but really left with a funny feeling. One reason, which won't be named, but it was just kind of surprising and flattering to get asked for my number or...to be presented with the opportunity to write down the guy's number. According to Brittany, "he was cute."

This week has just been SUPER hectic and busy, frustrating and encouraging. No, this isn't one of games that you have to figure out which word doesn't belong. This week I signed up for classes, signed up for housing, was a part of Fellowship of Christian Athletes' Kickoff, had to coordinate worship at InterVarsity, helped out with wedding invitations (which i was more than happy to help out with) but I don't I got a chance to really relax and think. Half-an-hour here, fifteen minutes there...definitely was taken up by making quick phone calls, responding to games of phone tag, scheduling, confirming, canceling... I freaked out. I freaked out because 1. it's almost that time of the month. 2. I haven't been this busy in a long time and I got waaaay too comfortable. 3. I felt like I was in control of everything and everything just blew up in my face. 4. In the depths of my consciousness, I'm dealing with insecurities, doubts, and questions of my worth. Especially when it comes to relationships, dating ones in particular. Do I really trust God that He's going to provide a worthy boyfriend/husband? Is there even a guy out there who will fight for me? Who, besides my own father, will find me worth anything? I know I need to be patient. I AM trusting God just because of the way I live my life. I KNOW someone's waiting to cross paths but when?

In due time.

I had so many people encouraging me, affirming me, praising me and praying for me this past week- I am so grateful and appreciative and just blessed to have people in my life that love me. care for me. speak words of truth to me. and both people are comfortable and uncomfortable with me dropping SEVERAL F-bombs mid conversation. I have just been shown what friendship really is. what love really is. what truth really is. and how freeing it is to just let go and let God. We say that all the time but do we really?

parting words:
Bleeding Love- Leona Lewis
Damaged0 Danity Kane
Leavin'- Jesse McCartney

let love lead the way.

2008-04-14T00:51:00.000-07:00

1 John 4:7-12

7Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son[b] into the world that we might live through him. 10This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for[c] our sins. 11Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

In Good Company

2008-04-06T23:41:00.001-07:00

This weekend has really been good. Good...a word that we overuse and generalize- a term in which we use to just get people off our backs when they ask us, "How are you?" Well, this "good" weekend started really on Wednesday and just crescendo-ed into tonight-- hanging out with awesome, fun, loving, strong people, eating massive amounts of food with them, singing out loud and just being myself...truly this is what heaven is going to be like.

I've been affirmed, I've been encouraged and just blown away at how awesome relationships really are. I'm learning to really invite people into awkward, uncomfortable, weird situations at the expense of my own comfort. but my heart has been uplifted, and it's been really freeing to see how awesome being honest and real is.

I saw guys telling guys they "love them," i saw people opening up and tapping into a really painful part of their past, i saw people overcome a week of weakness and vulnerability, I've seen people experience God one day but can't see Him the next. I've seen God work in so many awesome ways and yet, people still struggle to see past the veil. I guess I'm beginning to understand what it means to see things the way God sees them and what that really means when it comes to every aspect of our lives.

I've been blessed with so many awesome people and getting to learn about others, their ways of seeing things, their struggles, their flaws...but loving, admiring and understanding them the same.

I called my mom today and just talked about how happy I was today. The thing that she said to me that really just rocked me was that Mom and Dad don't worry about me. Which is totally a testament to their parenting but to honestly tell your college aged daughter that they know God is doing GOOD with her life, is just an amazing picture of how relationships with your parents should be.

2008-04-06T23:41:00.000-07:00

This weekend has really been good. I've experienced a sense of innate joy & peace I haven't felt in a really long time.

the end justifies the means.

2008-03-28T13:07:00.000-07:00